Welcome to Off the Shelf
Hey there! I’m Joey Green, and welcome to the wild, quirky world of wacky hacks!
Here, brand-name products and a dash of creativity collide to save you time, money, and—just maybe—help you avoid arguments over whether Cheez Whiz makes a good laundry detergent.
You might recognize me from one of my 60 books, my TV appearances, or from my website WackyUses.com, where I’ve made it my life mission to show you how to turn ordinary household items into genius hacks.
I’m talking about stuff you already have sitting around your kitchen, garage, or bathroom—like peanut butter, toothpaste, and bubble wrap.
You won’t believe how much money you can save and how many common products can make your life easier.
In fact, this Substack is my way of taking this madness to the next level.
You’ll get exclusive tips, stories, and a behind-the-scenes look at the sometimes absurd, always creative world of life-improvement hacks—and much, much more.
The goal? To help you save time, money, and maybe even a little sanity while making life just a bit more fun.
And let’s face it: if you can’t laugh while trying to clean your copper pots with ketchup, what’s the point?
A Little About Me
Before I started showing people how to use lemon juice to clean their microwave, I spent years as a contributing editor at National Lampoon and an advertising copywriter at J. Walter Thompson and Walt Disney World.
So, yes—I know absurdity when I see it. But I also know that when you mix a little bit of humor with practical advice, magic happens.
Whether you’re looking to stretch your budget, discover oddball uses for brand-name products, or just need a good laugh to get through the week, I’m here to make your life easier and a bit more interesting than it was five minutes ago.
Why You Should Subscribe
Subscribing to my newsletter isn’t just about collecting random tips and tricks. It’s about living smarter, saving money, and yes—adding a little more spice to your life.
By subscribing, you’ll never miss an update. Every new edition of the newsletter goes directly to your inbox. You won’t have to worry about missing anything. I promise to keep it light, fun, and packed with useful info you can actually use.
So, what can you expect?
1. Wacky Wednesday: Every Wednesday, you’ll get “Wacky Hacks,” my free weekly advice column where I solve your everyday problems with everyday products—without breaking the bank. From cleaning your barbecue grill with Reynolds Wrap to using Colgate Toothpaste as an all-purpose cleaner, you’ll get creative, money-saving hacks that’ll make you wonder why you’ve been paying top dollar for expensive cleansers.
2. Lunatic’s Corner: I spent years at National Lampoon poking fun at life’s absurdities, and now I’m sharing those absurdities with you. If you become a paid subscriber, every Sunday, I’ll share my own (dare I say hilarious) stories, travel misadventures, and bizarre observations that’ll have you chuckling all week long. Like “Happy Accidents”—short essays about epic failures, dumb luck, and chance discoveries like penicillin, potato chips, and the Slinky. Free excerpts from my books. Some of my never-before-reprinted pieces from National Lampoon. And to kick things up a notch, once a month, I’ll post a new DIY video—just like the one at the top of this page, except possibly more dangerous.
3. Free Books: Oh, but wait—there’s more! (Sorry, I worked in advertising for too many years.) As a paid subscriber, you’ll also receive a free ebook copy of The Ultimate Mad Scientist Handbook, featuring more than 100 awesome science experiments that are too cool for school. And if you sign up as a Founding Subscriber, I’ll throw in a free ebook copy of one of my all-time favorite books, Selling Out: If Famous Authors Wrote Advertising. In this modest masterpiece, I took the voices of literary giants—from Shakespeare to e. e. cummings, Jane Austen to Erica Jong—and fashioned their words into ad campaigns for brand-name products. Ooh-la-la!
4. Join the Conversation: This isn’t just a one-way street—I love hearing from you! As a paid subscriber, you can also share your weird, wonderful, or downright genius hacks with the community. Got a question, a funny story, or a hack that blew your mind? Drop a comment or reply to the newsletter—every issue will have a spot for you to chime in. Who knows? Your question might even make into my next newsletter.
I might even start writing my new book here (in real time and going straight to your inbox), so you’ll be among the first people who’ll see it take shape.
Ready to Join the Fun?
If you’re into life hacks with a side of weirdness, you’re in the right place. Whether you're looking for a fresh way to clean your microwave or just need a good laugh at life’s absurdities, I promise to keep it light, practical, and—most importantly—fun.
So buckle up—because it’s going to be one wild ride.
P.S. Got a mind-blowing hack? Send it my way! I love a good challenge, and you might just become a legend in the wacky world of life hacks.
